Dear diary (lol),

To everyone who I ever had a chat with here, know that all chats are burned in my memory for ever with more appreciation then you can imagine.

I have showed some irregular, up to psychotic behaviour and you guys haven't seen the worst. Appareantly I made a little bit of a oopsy fucking up my heart, consciousness, feelings in to such a complex trauma that chatting here was the closest to my self I could be without beeing overwhelmed by other peoples emotions. I became very good at other peoples emotions but now I'm back at my own I'm going to make my round of thanks and it starts here but will not end untill I made my way back to world peace, poker and provocations till zennnn..

Anne, you wonderfull girl with a hearth big enough to hold everyone have (n)ever met. If you ever quit modding this site will be done and I will still praise you for doing it, what you do here and how you approach people is how everyone who ever looked for a social community on the internet looks for in a mother figure to care, in a person to connect with and love while at the same time beeing as grounded and ready to show anyone that it is by choice for love and not fear by intimidation. Honestly, best thing Ryan can do for any of his work is to pay you good money to take care of anything related to human contact. You know fuck all about code and still you maintain a better list of cheats/multi's etc. Ryan is a great coder but he's as authistic as a coder should but he created back in the days these places to find a place to connect, he made the place and now he doesn't feel like he can belong because of the all you know what (I spoke to him week after the you know what we spoke of).
Zoidberg, you brilliant crazy mf. I still have no reply to you beeing convinced I was car, reason is that you managed to point me to my behaviour without knowing me because you recocgnized something I was disconnected of. Every conversation we had helped me to find myself more then you can imagine, I reccon you at this moment still have a big part of you that you can't reach because it was taken from you to early to carry. However beeing the big hearted genius you are, you excell in whatever you do and you aswell find it the easiest online where you can interact without having to deal with emotional constructs beeing projected on you which are probally as interresting as a toddler having a anger fit. Your auto response is to help everyone you meet, your reaction when people don't acknowledge and your drive to proove yourselve even when there is nothing left to proove (for fucksake zoidberg, only reason that I don't think you are completely retarded for thinking you have to defend yourselve ever here is because I was the same untill 3 weeks ago) If you would run this site with Ryan coding, Anne as mother mod, I would do anything I could do. Add a good mixed group of integer but opposite valued mods (I know I sound like completely manic, in a way I defenitly am.) talking about The Donk, Pebbles, -ML-, pocketdeuces, lulu jamby, MFOROADIE, ROBY, basicly there are so many people here who even tho they disagagree with certain things they all have a love for this place that exceeds personal opinions, ohw and Pebbles you amazing dude. We disagree on staking and I will respect anything you do but know this, I really enjoyed all of our conversations and if you (and many others) ever visit a place Im staying at, I will welcome you in the same manner as you did to me before you thought I was cheating ;). Honestly even tho I believe you are wrong I truly admire how you stand for your ideals. I will only be playing according to what you and The Donk regard as fair with this account from now on, not because I agree but because it's more important to me to be on the same table.
Kruger holy shit, I've called you my brother before but truly meeting you restored faith in myself. Souls recognize souls but you are the most responsive connection I've encountered so far in my life, that month Amoos was running the show here with the 2nd highest table beeing at best a semi bingo table with awesome company, I'm now I recon at the stage you where in, freed from old social structures and redefining you. You listened to what I pointed you towards learing poker in a way that I didn't listen to myself, how you went from most refills to no refill 2 golds was for me the proove that all I lacked was discipline in my life. Everything you do with everything you learn feels like looking at myself, when I was myself. Sharing everything you recon can help others even tho it's seen as arrogance or whatever. Just remember, keep doing what you do and anyone who resists is not there, you already prooven yourselve, more importantly tho is that time you spend defending yourself is time you take from developping.
Tasha!!!!!!
How awesome are you, I feel terrible for every moment you wanted to talk and I wasn't available because conversations I had with you ment so much to me and you aswell feel like family, know that I have the udmost respect for you completely. Not only do you kick ass in poker while (as all top players but especially the women, are more interested in people have a good time then winning) beeing a mother building her own home for her family and truly listening and showing interest in the people you meet here. Eventho I was a fraction of myself, our talks, when we mentioned how we felt like going out in to nature, how we care for our enviroment and living towards a sustainable enviroment for our loved onces to thrive in (correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure that everything you do and create is an extension of your love for you family)
Amoos,
You where when I got active the only person around playing poker, playing you was the first thing reminding me of me. Sounds hippy floaty bullshit like however as I mentioned you that first game, I actually used to play pretty decent poker however that above mentioned trauma took up so much of myself that for a long time internet games was just pushing buttons as distraction, I could easily win 10's of thousands in a few days just to loose it in online casinos for no reason. You where the first person I played where I felt like I had to care about the game. Without you that month I don't think the level would have gotten to the point of the old farts returning. I told you how much I enjoyed loosing my stack to you, I wish with all my hearth that you can enjoy this place the same. I enjoy playing everyone here and have many thanks to give, Whitehall you defenitely belong in the list, pocketdeuces as promised I use your phrase ofted; My karma ran over your Dogma, Dave I hope you are enjoying you lakeside place and I am in awe of your game, not talking about winning chips but how you treat everyone you play. I will be stacking up to have my monthly day of playing you and the rest of the crazy people who prefer those hours here over making $$.
Larsbar you intolerable loveable self victimizing protector of women!
Anytime you ever feel like shit at home gets to much and you don't have any place to throw out your feelings, let me know when Im online and I will without judgement listen to any anger, pain, sorrow you have to let out. I see in your behaviour here what's going on and I apoligize for making comments that made you feel less like sharing here. Know that there is nothing you can say that will make me think you are at fault, only victims in these situations and believe me I experienced first hand. What you do for a living prooves to me how much you try to do the best you can however it's time to allow yourselve to be hurt/angry/etc by those you love and protect. Ever want someone to listed, I will.
Militaryson,
Another part of the soulfamily, beeing so used to making crazy comments everywhere you didn't only reply to it but joined me in the rabbithole. Can't wait till the next game we rob and I'm not done have chats with you, after my traumatic, emotional discharge I spend some weeks purely reconnecting with those I lost last 8 years but anytime you are up for a weekend of speedphreaking and poker, when I can I will.

I have many more thanks to give however I also have an awesome party waiting for me in a squat in Rotterdam so I will continue later.